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Disclaimer!!! Ok These are my four happy poems... they may not seem happy to you, but if you compare them to the rest of the poems on this page, then well you'll see what i mean. So enjoy read on... learn how fukked up i am. lol

happy This poems about things that make me happy. also, I dont enjoy killing people, i just enjoy watching it on tv and on movies! I'm SADISTIC I KNOW!!!!!!!! :P
smile. smile. sun shining. warm on my face. that look in your eye. kill. kill. die. pillage. beautiful days. clear nights. diamond star. crystal tear. death. pain. ripped heart. love. love. joyful musak. yellow green blue. you knew me well. die, fuck. death. fucked. happiness. happy penis. sex. perversion. laugh histerically. gore. blood. violence. me. happy. :) yea, yea life
ok.. this poem is't about anything really just playing with the letters in L I F E living in fear everyday lying in fortified excrement lusting internal fuzzy enimas licking iguanas for ecstacy love ingesting fowl esther listen inside for evil lint infests fucking eels circle
ok. yea. poem about killing someone. happy??? yup! You can plainly see i like gore, and gore makes me happy so what's so shocking? running around circles around you around ur mind around here ur the shit around there you are shit around me you lie around them... you lie follow me around the bush around the way around to this lil place i'll cut through around ur neck around ur heart stab. :) green
If you don't know what this poem's about then don't worry about it. emerald stranger, i engulf you. you flow into me. you warm my insides. i feel you . you make it better. green goodness, you go in. i blow. you go out. i'm in a new state, a new world. bluish yellow. embers. you burn for me. you know what i like. you know what i want and you give it to me with a passion that only you have. your smell makes me melt. how you taste in my mouth can only be described as wonderful. pure and natural. lovely and primal.

Disclaimer, again!!!!! These poems below are all fukked up in the head!!!!!

Ok.. well after reading my poems over.. and over.. and over and getting comments from some concerned people lol i see that yea my poetry's a lil scary, but i don't see it as that. I'm actually a happy person.. I just go through some bad things at times (like all people) and I over analyze them to the point where it hurts then when I cant figure it out I write poetry or draw pictures or play guitar or do something that reaches down further than what just thinking can do and this helps me deal. I see it as something great.. most people can't even face their problems and they just bottle it up (which is what i used to.. and by my poetry.. you can see it screwed me up) I will NEVER kill myself so don't worry about that.. I absolutely HATE pain. If you feel these poems are written about you.. don't take them into context for my mind over reacts and, well, puts more feeling than there actually is.. ya know to make it sound better :) artistically and stuff.. If you feel i've threatened you in anyway.. well I will NEVER hurt anyone... physically and I could never wish the pain that I've felt in the past on anyone..... unless they really deserve it... but I'm a nice person.. really! that's usually happy :) I just write best when I'm sad and depressed and alone so that's why all of my poems are well... sad.. depressed.. and solitary... so read on and experience my pain.

Insanity
Ok I tried the whole first word that comes to mind thing and this is what came out. I wrote this like 20 mins after my exb/f broke up with me. The first 20 mins i was crying my eyes out.. yea he wasn't cute lol, but i loved him and we went out for 8 freakin months!!!! so lotsa emotions lots but it scared the crap out of him when he read it and that made me happy :) am i sadistic or what? LOL

hate sadness love sorrow weird bitch dick slut suck friend life death eternal greatful live dull bore
evil angel prep anti-me
who she he what life? what the fuck
music guys used cry death slay crucify murder rage sacrificial feelings
me you love? no yes aaaaahhhhhhh therapy help beyond help insanity
hurt torn deep shit depressed overzealous
stupid heart
what's love? what's hate? why life? complicated
my brain hurts
my heart aches
my body yearns for love life excitement joy
do i deserve this? who knows i hate me
why? i dont know
my eyes bleed
salt
water
tears of fukking sorrow
tears of lonelyness
i am alone
will i 4ever feel this way? does anyone know? care? did i just do a horrible crime to feel this bad?
why? why!
simple painless? doesn't matter
it will be over soon. but i want to live let my fukking curiousity kill me maybe one day i will feel love
maybe not
i hate my life
i hate my brain who the hell controls this????????????? why am i so lucky
to feel like
shit
y does everyone feel love except me
theres the knife theresthe pills whycantidoit?enditall justalittlepaingetawayfromthetorturethatislife?
imsucha
loser
im a chick en i
am
shit
the songs bring me back the light pierces my soaking eye
what would happen
would anyone care will i be missed will my roomate even notice
my
pale
cold
body?
why do i care no one else does for me i need love i need true freinds i need
morphine
help me help me
help.


rejection
This poem was after the break up too... kinda obvious huh? my heart weeps tears my brain suffers and spits at me random thoughts of hate, anger, rejection. i feel alone again. why?!?!?! i hate the cold. hold me in you warm arms. comfort me.. i'll take anyone. anyone who dares to know my passions my goals my fears my love. i'm not a bad person. i'm not an angel either. I'm just me. someone love ME. heartache in the key of D
This is just about how i put myself in situations where i just get hurt it happens many MANY times! Why do it do it why??? lol why must my heart ache? why must i forever be in this spiral of lonelyness? for will i ever truly find love? not only love. i just need comfort. i need truth. i just need drugs. my heart burns. my heart cries. my heart aches for your touch. but you won't let me in. Why do i do this? why must my tears burn me? they feel like acid on my skin. they mock me. i hate to cry. i hate feeling this way. i want to be happy. my heart burns. my heart cries. my heart aches for your touch. but you won't let me in. why the hell am i so fucked up? why does my life suck? why do i feel this way? i try to change my life. everytime it spits back at me. i try to change my goals. they keep spiraling down i try to change my situation. but it doesn't want me. i try to control myself but that can't be. my heart burns. my heart cries. my heart aches for your touch. but you won't let me in. let me in. let me in. 10:26am
hmmmm... guess what time i wrote this? lol I was thinking one night.. and morning... and this huge feeling of total and utter rejection came over me. I just felt really alone and sad and cold and every bad feeling just flushed me at once so i wrote this. the still wind sends shivers up my spine i sit here staring at the bright screen boredome, that sums me up in one line i think about your words and they hurt me i hate rejection i can't take it but i can't expect you to know that so here in front of this empty screen i sit wishing and hoping i was where you're at i know if i push further i will just get burned but for some reason i don't even care i guess i will never learn hold me kiss me love me if you dare i feel like a fukking time bomb about to destroy the place i need love serinity and to be calm i saw that in your face i felt feelings for you even tho it was a short time i felt maybe there's something there i thought you could be mine but, again, my heart tears it seemed so right it seem like fate that brought us together to meet and experience joy but i guess our meetings were too late your heart belongs to someone else and i was just ur toy.

the place where my soul dwells This is about my dark side.. everyone has one. I just acknowledge its existence all the time or maybe it acknowledges me?
things are odd weird distorted the nails scratch piercing my ears piercing my soul but it doesn't lighten the darkness it is cold damp, wet, rancid bring a flashlight if you dare enter here for who knows what lurks down below an evil monster born of the torment of others or a beautiful maiden traped in the webs of this world who can say do you dare enter?
heartache in the key of E
The same as heartache in the key of D just all jumbled around i think this one sounds better. why the hell am i so fucked up? why does my life suck? misused, abused. my life? can i choose? when the fuck will it end will this torment descend. i feel cracked, smacked. i want my life to be intact. i try to change my life. everytime it spits back at me. i try to change my goals. they keep spiraling down i try to change my situation. but it doesn't want me. i try to control myself but that can't be. shall i forever be one? one in a world of none. never to be home. i will always be alone. i try to change my life. everytime it spits back at me. i try to change my goals. they keep spiraling down i try to change my situation. but it doesn't want me. i try to control myself but that can't be. i see torment in all that is suposedly good. i see death in life. do i see death in me? i should. take these pills. stab with this knife. my life is torture. will it ever end? will i ever find love or at least a true friend?


why?
This poem's about being hurt, cheated, rejected, u name it it's just a jumble of emotions that came over me after an incident. Just imagine fixing to pour ur heart out and seeing the one u care for all over someone else. There ya go now read on! hurt. pain. you scar my eyes. you place a tournequet upon my brain. stab me with your sword. stab me again. i feel the pain. i know it all too well now. don't try to resuscitate me. i've died. i shall never come back. betrayed. loss. my heart bleeds. it's my love you tossed. stab me with your sword. stab me again. i felt the pain. i love it all too well now. don't try to resusitate me. i've died. i shall never come back. love. lust. who knows? my heart shall never trust. stab me with your sword. stab me again. i feel the pain. i know it all too well now. don't try to resusitate me. i've died. i shall never come back. into your life anyway.. sharp things hurt
This is just about someone whose been known to be a slut and they hurt alot of people including me at one point so i just wrote this to tell them that they need to change their ways.. & hey!!!! this poem's getting published cool huh? I got a letter about it the other dee :) chromed dagger that dost mock me mock my existence claim my life for it's own i shall regain my will my strength my power shall not be dethrowned rusty sword you were once beautiful in mine eyes now you are nothing but trash used up by ur conquests decrepped and sickly over time one you were great now ur a mess the lives you've slaughtered will never be forgotten the hearts you've pierced shall always have that wound even though many battles you have faught in the souls of those you've hurt will follow you to your tomb cross my path?
I wrote this to try to boost my self esteem. I got tired of being crushed and stepped upon. cross my path if you dare. for my mind dost not forget. scorn my soul, my heart, my existence if you must. but beware! i carry secrets to the grave. i love those that care to love back. i devote my life to my friends. but those who dare cross me are brave! i may seem quiet and small. i may seem nice and sweet. but inside lurks a demon! do you dare take that eternal fall? i trust all, yet i don't trust you! why? you've hurt me! why? then you dare talk to me too? you confuse me! i hate confusion! you destroy me! i hate pain! i build trust and you tear it down! we. us. me and you... just an allusion. thank you
Well I figured I should thank the people who helped fukk up my life! Without them I couldn't have written these great poems. thank you for this inspiration. for without you i could not be. thank you for stomping on my heart so. for without that i could not see. your dementia, your lack of passion, your vanity am i so blind? are you so careless? that you led me into this false belief? thanks to you my somewhat-perfect life becomes a mess. thank you for your time. it was such a waste. now i get to pick up the pieces and put them back. hand me the tape. hand me the paste. thank you so much for your love, your compasion. i'd appreciate it more if it were true. thank you for the memories, but whatever we had is always & forever will be through.

Look!!! I drew a purdy picture!!! don't think i'm weird and heart broken.. BECAUSE I'M NOT!! REALLY!!! i just think this picture rocks so I'm posting it here! :) The quote is from a REALLY cool anime series called Serial Experiments: Lain I've decided that the main character Lain is my alter ego.. which is weird b/c she has an alter ego... so does that make me 3 people?

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